Welcome to part 2 of Dating deal breakers! Have you ever wondered why it just didn’t work out with you and the person you went on a date with? Maybe there was something about you that was a deal breaker for them? Deal breakers are different for everyone but sometimes we have certain things that we just can’t move past. Do you?
The guy / girl can be super attractive to someone else but maybe you’re just not into the dark / light look? It may sound shallow but often what we’re attracted to has to do with our pheromones and a primal unexplainable urge to breed or not breed with a person. Your version of prince charming is someone else’s nightmare on elm street!
Have you ever been out with someone who by all accounts is super good looking, yet you felt little to no attraction toward them? Perhaps you were even slightly repulsed? Take insight from what ascetically appeals to you. Even if you don’t have a ‘type’, some people with physically just not be what you’re attracted to. As nice as they may be, if you’re not attracted to them, it’s a deal breaker.
Swearing, sexist comments, dirty fingernails, creased clothing… what’s on your list for behaviour or bad hygiene you just can’t abide?
Joey says “I went on a date with this gorgeous girl. Bouncy blonde hair, red lips – really sexy. But then she mentioned she only showered every 3 days! Something about wasting water and it not being necessary for people to wash themselves every day. I shower twice a day and am super strict about keeping clean and smelling fresh. It was too much for me. As hot as she was – cleanliness is more important!”
Michelle says “When I went out with Michael, my first thoughts were ‘he’s so my type!’ until he opened his mouth. Every third word was slang or a swear word. It was so off putting. I studied english lit, so having a good vocabulary and making use of the actual english language is important to me. It was an absolute deal breaker!
You keep going on dates, but no one sticks. The problems aren’t major but you still haven’t found what you’re looking for. Perhaps it’s time to ask yourself an honest question: is the real reason that you don’t want to commit to one person? Perhaps the deal breaker, is you!?
It’s ok to date and have fun meeting people. But ensure you’re being honest about what your intentions are. Check out this post on Dating do’s and don’ts for more details.
So you’re not ready for a soul mate? That’s perfectly ok! Keep swiping on Wan’go and meeting new people!
It seems to be going so well, he/she shows real potential as a great human being. A good fit. Your perfect match. But then, just like that, you notice or realise something. A truth is uncovered and there’s no going forward. Progress is stopped dead in it’s tracked. You’ve discovered a Dating Deal Breaker!
The connection is shattered and it’s back to the single’s drawing room. So you’ll whip out your phone and start wango swiping again…
We’ve compiled a few dating deal breakers for you. Ask yourself if these are some of yours? And, if not, what yours are? It’s a great discussion to have with a potential partner to find out sooner rather than later if you’re compatible or not. Know what you stand for and what you can’t stand.
Dating Deal Breakers:
You’ve been to coffee, the beach and now you’re on a dinner date! And then he tells you that eating meat is murder and you’ve got blood on your soul for enjoying burgers… it’s awkward. Would you change how you eat for a partner?
Perhaps its due to religious differences or maybe she’s allergic to garlic… is it a deal breaker?
Sally says: “You eat at least 3 times a day. That’s hundreds of thousands of meals you’ll share over the course of your life with someone. If my man didn’t eat pizza with me (which is one of my favourite things) because he’s gluten intolerant, watching his weight, doesn’t like cheese or diabetic so can’t have the sugar in the dough – well I just couldn’t stand it! I want to share my life with someone and food is a massive part of that sharing. If we can’t eat off the same plate, it’s a deal breaker for me.”
How would you feel if you’re a high powered working earner and you’re on a date with a broke, ambition-less pauper. Could it work for you? If you’re a man, are you ok with your date being more financially successful than you. If you’re a woman, are you looking to be treated to dinner dates and the man always paying? Ask both questions in reverse gender too.
Financial stress is one of the biggest causes for break ups so knowing your views on money is vital if you’re looking for a long term relationship.
A deal breaker can be as simple as a guy not offering to pay for this bill.
Lauren says “It really annoys me when a guy doesn’t offer to pay. Especially if he’s asked me out. It’s the gentlemanly thing to do and shows he has a generous nature which translates into all aspects of the potential relationship. That said, if a guy is broke, I’ll happily support him and pay – but it’s usually after I already know him and his other qualities are interesting enough so stick around for. He’s worth the investment: mentally and physically.”
The most common phrase on divorce papers is: Irreconcilable differences. This covers an extensive range of problems. Like a plethora of deal breakers.
When a person has personal problems, it’s rare that anyone else other than them, can solve them. As much as we’d like to miraculously heal people, Love is not a quick fix solution.
If someone has a mental illness that is fundamentally part of who they are, they will be difficult, if not impossible to have a sustainably healthy relationship with. We need to work on ourselves before it works out in a relationship.
If the guy / girl suffers from untreated / unmedicated depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia, alcoholism, sex or drug addiction etc… it’s highly probable that at some point this will become a deal breaker.
Joe says “When I met Veronica, I was crazy about her. She was such a live wire – so fun, wild and free. But then, in an instant, it was like she became a different person. Her mood swings were so extreme it was like her light was either on or off. I didn’t know what to do. When I tried to talk to her about it, she’d lash out and get so angry with me. Eventually she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. She refused therapy or medical treatment and self medicated with more and more booze, developing an alcohol dependancy too. She actually broke up with me. At the time I was devastated but know see that her sickness was the deal breaker.”
Have you dealt with any of the above? What’s your story? Email us if you’d like to share it on our blog.
Check in next week for part 2 of Dating Deal Breakers!
Incase you’ve missed a few, here’s a round up of our last 4 Wan’go blog posts:
Spoiler altert: it’s not Tinder!
Reasons we launched in Cape Town and more…
You can try to luck. Go one, be the creepy one: Sure you can lurk around his favourite spots hoping to bump into him.
And a bonus ‘To do’ before your next date
Which was your best post? Let us know in the comments below. See you back on the blog for more fresh stories, just for you!
The Rise of Dating Apps
by Elizabeth Morris
With the ubiquity of smartphones, dating apps are now commonplace for people when they are searching for a new partner. This shows how much the world has changed in its attitude towards online dating. Only a few years ago, people had a tendency to be embarrassed if they were using online dating sites to meet people but in today’s modern world it is very much the norm.
Societal changes means people now may have numerous dates with a number of different people – casual dating is socially acceptable as long as people are acting responsibly.
Different dating apps prove more popular than in others in different parts of the world. While Tinder is very much a part of society in the West, a dating app known as Badoo is actually the most used dating app in the world and is hugely popular in the likes of Latin America.
Check out this infographic from our friends at Carvaka which highlights some interesting statistical data from all over the world in terms of dating.
Have you got Wango yet? Download from your app store today.
Part of our decision to launch our Wan’go dating app in cosmopolitan Cape Town was because we believe it’s one of the most romantic cities in the world. Beautiful people, in a beautiful place makes falling in love even easier.
We wanted to showcase that we do dating differently, and by differently we mean: with respect, safety and fun all rolled into one stress free, seamless dating solution. We’re all about meeting people, not ‘mating’ with them! What makes us stand out from other more common dating apps is that we’re not all about the hook up! We believe in bringing back old school dating values – you know, when boy meets girl and they actually talk to get to know each other. Naked selfies and dick pics… not on this app thanks!
It’s all about doing things together, hence our name – an abbreviation from
“Would you like to go and do something together…”
“Wanna go for coffee / dinner / walk on the promenade…” to simply
Dating can be nerve wrecking so we wanted to make it as stress free as possible. We do this by doing 2 things, uniquely applied to our app only:
2 things we do differently as a dating app
1.) We offer ice breakers with conversation starters for you. We don’t believe in taking ourselves too seriously and want to have fun with meeting new people. So playing a game is a great place to start:
2 truths and a lie is a game designed to be playful and imaginative. We provide the topics and from the suggestions you make 3 statements: 2 of which are true and one of which is a lie. The person you’re chatting too has to guess which is made up. It’s a great way to get to know a few things about a new person.
2.) When you’ve been chatting to your prospective meet up partner for a while, our app unlocks the ‘Wan’Go’ meet up option. We geo locate restaurants in area’s central to you and the person you’re chatting to, to help you make a decision on where you wanna go 😉 Convenient, right?
Ultimately we really want people getting out into the real world and meeting one another. That’s what we’re hoping to facilitate: traditional dating in modern day times. It’s about real life connection, enabled by technology.
What we’ve been doing and where we’ve been going:
This month we partnered up with HQ to promote our Wan’go lifestyle. We had a VIP singles table with drinks and snacks so that singletons could meet up in a group environment.
Check out our pics on Instagram and these Facebook albums:
The third Thursday meet up we’re hosting is on 1st December (also First Thursday!) and promises to be the best one yet.
If you’re intrigued to find out more about us, download the Wan’go app and come join the table!
You’ve met a guy and you think he’s the bee’s knees… how to tell if he’s keen or, not so much.
It’s sadly, very simple:
If he is keen: you’ll know.
Because cupcake, he will have Done something about it.
- He would have made a move.
- Spoken to you.
- Texted you.
- Asked you out.
- Something would have happened!
All too often we try to convince ourselves that things aren’t what they seem when the facts are staring us right in the face.
Maybe he’s too shy? Maybe he’s intimidated? Maybe he’s insecure? Maybe I should let him know what I’m an available option?
As if we can coax the dude out of his inertia.
- Do you want a guy who can’t mobilise his mojo?
- A man who can’t take action?
- Someone who doesn’t go after what he wants?
And babe, if he ain’t knocking at your door, it’s cause his hands are busy elsewhere!
It ain’t you babe, it ain’t you.
You can try to luck. Go one, be the creepy one:
- Sure you can lurk around his favourite spots hoping to bump into him.
- You can offer to buy him drinks in the hope of getting him drunk and take advantage.
- You could just pounce him.
But even if you manage to get him for one night, the chances of him sticking are slim to none and so ask yourself, is it worth it? To close a deal, only to have it revoked the next day?
Wouldn’t it be better, to leave the window of oppurtunity open to allow someone who’s genuinely interested to enter the space? Someone who is confident and brave enough to pursue you?
Attraction should be mutual. If you have to convince a guy to like you, he clearly can’t see your value and isn’t your match. Rather wait for the man that can.
It isn’t complicated. It’s either a yes or a no.
A possible maybe, in time, within the right context… is a no! If you really want to be sure you’ve covered all possible options of why he hasn’t made a move first, you can boldly ask him out. Thats right, tell him you’re interested in doing something with him. And then, if that brave attempt fails – at least you can rest assured that you left no stone unturned. Him not being interested in you is not the worst thing that can happen. It’s perfectly ok. Not everyone is for everyone.
Don’t be desperate. Hold your head high. Remember your value and worth and know that your Mr right will invest in you. Everyone else, isn’t worth another moment’s pause for thought. Move swiftly along, swipe and NEXT!
Which date ideas are your favourite? Do you have a list of date ideas to share with us? Mail in and let us know your suggestions.
1. Pool dates
Invite him / her to tan at your pool or go to a hotel pool together. If it’s a hotel pool, you’ll be served drinks and food if you like. If it’s your home, you can rustle up some snacks and serve your date yourself. Swimming together is fun and a first kiss in water? Very romantic and memorable!
2. Beach dates
Going to the beach with someone you’re interested in is the perfect opportunity to see them half naked without becoming sexually involved first! If you’re wondering how attracted you are to them, this is a great place to test yourself. You may have had good conversation over coffee, but this ups the anti. Do you want more? Go to the beach to find out. If you’re spending all your time checking out other people, then he/she may not be the perfect partner for you.
3. Coffee dates
This is a fail safe bet and is ideal for a first date. A coffee can range from 15 minutes to an hour so there is minimal time pressure. If it goes well you can either extend into a meal or make a plan for a follow up date. It’s a great starting point if you’re tentative about the dating scene.
4. Movie dates
Who doesn’t love kicking back and going to the movies? Popcorn and the big screen. If you’re a movie person, this is a great date idea. Afterwards, you’ll have the movie to discuss and during the movie, you may have the proper old school hand holding take place! Adorable and romantic.
5. Summer concerts at Kirstenbosch
Evening picnic dates in the beautiful Kirstenbosch gardens are great first dates. Whether you go as a couple or in a group, it’s a relaxed environment with entertainment so you’ll have the show to discuss as conversation. Also, if it leads to more dates, you now have ‘your thing’ that you do together.
6. Watching sport together
Going to watch rugby or cricket is many people’s favourite to do. If it’s yours, then this is a fun group date idea. If its not, its still good to try because you’ll quickly realise if its an activity you can do with your partner in the future or not. If he/she wants to be in the box every Rugby game and you’d rather be washing your hair in comparison, perhaps this person is not your person…
7. The Theatre
Going to the theatre is like going to watch Rugby for some: not the ideal way to bond. However, if you’re into culture and arts, it may be important for your partner to share the experience with you. It’s a good idea to figure out what you both enjoy doing together soon after you meet to work out how compatible you are.
8. The new years eve date
Go to a house party with your date. Meet new people. Dance. Play beer pong and other drinking games. Do whatever is fun for you. Then, as the countdown starts, ensure you’re standing next to him/her and as the clock strikes 12, have your first kiss! The way you start your year is the way you intend to finish, and this is a perfectly romantic start!
9. Dinner dates
These are best left to second dates. If it’s a blind dinner date, there may be pressure because you really don’t know this person. If you do dive right in to dinner, chat to them on the phone first to suss them out. It’s important to have some commonality so that you have conversation material.
10. ‘Lets go for drinks’
Two strangers meeting for the first time, with alcohol in the mix? How does that sound? A foundation for lasting love or a hook up? Meeting for a drink: a sun downer or glass of wine, perhaps, but a coffee is a better option for a first date. And if it’s a second date, why not dinner? ‘Just drinks’ is cheap. If it’s in a group of friends, it’s better because your date is introducing you to his/ her circle which shows interest and investment in you as a person. If they’re suggesting drinks with the option of dinner, it can work as a first date.
There are exceptions to every rule and maybe just drinks does lead to love. Has it for you?
A ‘To do’ for you:
Here’s a ‘To do’ before your next date. Send this list to the person you’re taking out and ask them to rate their top 3 date suggestions in order of preference. You do the same and then compare notes. If you have one in common, do that date together. If you have more than one, it’s a very good sign that you’re a good match. If however, you have nothing in common, perhaps hop back onto Wango and start swiping again.
Question for the comments section:
How important are common interests to you? Do you like sharing activities with your partner or doing your own thing separately? How much togetherness is too much? Let us know, we’d love to hear your views!
We launched Wango on 10th October! Here’s a catch up for our first month of the new blog:
Click to read and let us know which is your favourite post.
We also created two mini vlogs for you:
We love hearing from you so leave your comments below or connect with us on social media. This November we have some stunning prizes and giveaways for you so watch this space for details
It’s an all too common story: Girl meets Boy. It seems to be going well. They have sex. Suddenly: The end. We received this story from one of our readers (whom we’ve renamed ‘Naive Nancy’ to protect her identity) and our resident Agony Aunt: Priscilla, gives her the lowdown.
If you have a burning question you’d like answered, email us and we’ll reply.
I was recently ‘seeing’ a guy. We had similar friends and he seemed like a decent guy, a little damaged perhaps and 14 years older than me, with two kids. I don’t wan’t kids, but I figured that as this was casual it didn’t really matter too much. He seemed good company and then we slept together.
He lost total interest in me, was actively going out with other girl ‘friends’ whom I was friendly with and excluding me. When I called him out on it, asking why he was going out with other women and not taking me out – even though we were sleeping together, he cut all contact and has ignored me ever since. It’s been a week. I feel confused as he seemed sweet? And I’m angry as I’m trying to do this ‘casual dating’ thing but it just feels like I’ve been used instead? I didn’t want to put pressure on him as I didn’t know what I wanted, but excepted to be treated with respect nonetheless.
From: Naive Nancy
Dear Naive Nancy
Firstly, in today’s times ‘seeing’ someone means a million different things to a million different people. If you’re ‘hanging out’ or ‘chilling’ or whatever loose lingo is used, the problem is that the connotations for everyone are different.
When sleeping with someone holds a different value for each party, the end result is usually less than satisfactory for both.
It’s a world of f#*kboys and f#*k buddies and telling the two apart is almost impossible. I think the problem here is that you thought you were dealing with a buddy, and in fact, he was a boy.
You don’t always get a buddy with a f#*k.
And that’s a pity.
The fact that this boy was 14 years older than you and still hasn’t learnt communication skills, means that you were dealing with an adult baby and that’s an unpleasant for anyone to go through. Most children learn how to talk by 3. It’s unfortunate that he is still so severely limited. Sounds like he’s more of a f#*ktard than anything else.
Now onto you. What are you doing dear? You don’t wan’t kids but you were happy to sleep with a man who had them? Why? You clearly didn’t see a future anyway so are you genuinely surprised it’s over? Sooner than later albeit, but you had to have known the end was in sight when you started . If it was because he ‘seemed’ decent and a possible future friend, remember that it takes time to get to know someone. What’s been proved is that he isn’t in fact decent or sweet and clearly only wanted one thing from you.
When dealing with a person like this, rather find out sooner than later.
He got what he wanted and fled. If you had held out for too long, he may have kept up whatever charade had led you to believe we was half decent to start with and then you could have gotten your feelings attached which is a far more precarious entanglement than one between the sheets.
It’s never nice to feel used but you must remember that you chose to enter an unknown situation head first. When you dive into unknown waters, or quiet literally: into his bead, there is a chance of hitting your head. Remember that you belong to yourself. You’ve given nothing away and nothing is lost. When you’re enough for yourself no one can diminish that. If you’re feeling less than after this encounter, focus on filling up by choosing you and being good to you.
Let the distance between you and him serve you as a healing space, and should you think of him, remember, you don’t want children anyway he was a baby-man f#*ktard. Darling, that’s of no use to anyone.
Keep your head held high, download Wango app and get out there to meet and not mate. It’s your best bet.
Remember, your online aunty Priscilla loves you and
The man for you is only a few swipes away.
If you enjoyed this post. Read this one next.
Here are 5 Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to App Dating!
1 Pick the platforms that suit you
You don’t need to be on every dating app out there. They’ll all have a different angle so choose the ones that align with who you are.
- Tinder: the biggest out there so think mass market. You’ll find the biggest quantity.
- Happn: Based on who’s directly in your vicinity. If you move around a lot for work this broadens your horizons otherwise you’ll only access people who work or live nearby.
- Bumble: The woman makes the first move and you only have 24 hours to start a conversation. If you or your match doesn’t start talking, the match dissapears.
- Wan’Go: the gentlemen’s badge ensures that there are only gentlemen on the app. It’s all about quality connection and meeting up in real life. Wan’Go provides conversation starters and suggestions for where you could meet up based on locations that are mutually convenient to both people.
If you are on more than one platform, choose different pictures and tailor your bio to be unique on each.
2: Include a Bio
It’s there for a reason. This is not a casting, it’s about getting to know someone through conversation so having a bio lets potentials immediately know what you’re looking for. If its casual say it. If you’re looking to meet friends – state it. And if you’re hoping for a genuine connection, let people know.
Don’t try too hard to be a comedian but share some of your personality. Or share a passion, hobby or what you do.
The great thing about Wan’Go is that it automatically links to your city, school, work and social media channels – so you have already bio without even writing one! You can get straight into a conversation based on these facts.
3: Use natural photos
If you have professional pics, that’s great, but include some happy snaps too. Just ensure they aren’t blurry. A laughing pic or relaxed shot of you doing something you love gives your potential access into your personality. The more you look the way you do in real life, the better because that’s where the relationship is going to take place.
4: Be honest about your intentions
As soon as the conversation starts, be as honest as you can about why you swiped on the person. You can swipe on people who you’d like to be friends with and not date, but just let them know. Say it in a kind way, that you swiped because you’re interested in what they do, or their bio was funny or you recognise them from real life. The more up front the better.
(I often write about my dating experiences so it’s very important that anyone speaking to me know’s that from the get go. It’s then up to them if they want to continue chatting or not).
5: Get out there and date!
Quality one on one time with a new person is the best way to connect. That’s what dating is for! Meeting new people and then seeing what develops at a later stage. Take the pressure off finding the ‘one’ and enjoy meeting many new people. Think of dating as conversation and nothing more. If the chemistry is there too, it’s a bonus but don’t expect it. See dating as a way to learn about someone new and in doing so, discover more about what makes your heart tick.
1: Sing your own praises
“I’m a fun loving, kind person.” Um, no. Explain what you do that makes you fun loving i.e: “I’m part of a trail running club and foster puppies on the weekend.”
Practical examples are the best and great conversation starters.
2: Include pics with your ex’s or even a friend half chopped out
Choose pics of you or with friends but don’t half slice them out the pic just because you look good. It’s obvious. If the person is no longer in your life, don’t have them half in the pic. Keep it current as to who is in your life now.
3: Over edit you pics
We all look better with a filter, but when you start to use apps that darken your eyes, put lipstick on you and shrink your body or face: its just false advertising! Real is better than fake. And that’s where it leads anyway.
4: Swipe just for ego
It’s not about how many matches you get. It’s about matching with people you actually wan’t to get to know better and potentially meet in real life. It’s unkind to give false hope to someone when you have no intention of ever meeting them. Then you’re just teasing and taunting them. Swipe because of genuine interest.
5: Lead someone on and never meet them
If you’ve already been on a few dates with someone you like, don’t keep your other matches hanging. If it’s not going to happen in real life, let them know and then get off the app. The app is there to promote real meetings, not to keep on indefinitely, just in case. If you’re on, jump in. If you’re out, get off.